1. Join a support group. Maintaining a strong support network can be very beneficial. There are different 12-step groups for family members affiliated with alcohol and drug addiction, or you may also wish to investigate Codependents Anonymous (CoDA).
2. Let go of the past. Start to see yourself as a recovering codependent, not as a victim. You may have learned some coping mechanisms that were self-defeating, but you can change and learn healthier ways of interacting.
3. Pursue your own dreams. The journey from being codependent to interdependent in relationships is a journey of self-discovery. It may be a time of rediscovering long buried dreams, or creating dreams and a future for yourself you never thought possible.
4. Practice detachment. You may need to stop letting other people’s problems become your own. Allow those you care about to be responsible for their own words and actions without interference from you.
5. End or pause relationships that are unsupportive. There may come a time in your recovery where a relationship you’ve clung to is no longer working for you. If that person is unable to support you in moving forward, you may need to let it go. If this is the case, consider talking it over with a counsellor.
6. Take care of your physical well-being. In order to heal emotionally, you need to feel good physically. Be sure to get adequate sleep, eat a balanced diet, and get daily exercise.
“In life, there are certain battles you need to give up on in order to win the big ones. If you narrow your perspectives too much much, you will miss out on the big things. It’s the same idea as ‘postponing current pleasure’ for long term rewards.”—
“If you hear a song that makes you cry and you don’t want to cry anymore, you don’t listen to that song anymore.
But you can’t get away from yourself. You can’t decide not to see yourself anymore. You can’t decide to turn off the noise in your head.”—Jay Asher, Thirteen Reasons Why (via quotes-shape-us)
“Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.”—Meša Selimović
“Intuition literally means learning from within. Most of us were not taught how to use this sense, but all of us know well that ‘gut’ feeling. Learn to trust your inner feeling and it will become stronger. Avoid going against your better judgment or getting talked into things that just don’t feel right.”—Doe Zantamata
1. Recognize that you have choices. Usually people-pleasers feel as if they don’t have a choice, and they have to say yes when someone asks for their help. But you DO have a choice – and it’s Ok to say no.
2. Decide on your priorities. If you already have commitments or you have set priorities then it’s easy to say no as you’ve a genuine “excuse”. Do what matters most to you, and please remember - it’s your life!
3. Stall for time – don’t give an answer right away. Say you need a bit of time before you make up your mind. That allows you time and space to think about the consequences. For other things will likely suffer if you take on far too much.
4. Don’t be afraid to add conditions to your yeses. For example, say that you’ll only say yes if someone else says yes as well – or only take on a new task for a set period of time.
5. Are you being manipulated? There are plenty who will use you to ensure their plans succeed, so watch out for those compliments and empty flattery.
6. Be firm when you say no. The first time you say no it feels uncomfortable and hard. But once you’ve done that a few times it starts to feel much easier. Also, if you sound confident then others take you seriously.
7. Don’t defend you decision. You have a right to say no – and to NOT defend yourself. It’s your life after all - you don’t have to explain “why” … or come up with excuses … or be pushed and pressurised. And don’t apologise to others - saying no is not a crime!